Tiny Untidy Terrorists?
Normal parenting activities at Mountain Village apartment 136 were set back hours today as parents stopped to investigate suspicious objects that had turned up around the domicile. In light of the recent anxiety in nearby Boston over suspicious (?) electronic parcels that had been found nestled in various high-traffic areas of the city, parents in apartment 136 were slow to dismiss the objects in question as innocuous.
"I was just on my way downstairs after changing the baby when I discovered one of the objects with my left foot. I was scared--I thought I was going to drop the baby!" explained Tamara Jones in an interview earlier today. She showed us the laceration on her foot where the object had actually broken through the skin. "I n't know what to make of it at first, so I called it in to the authorities."
Later that day a similar incident occurred as a local resident was preparing to leave for work. "I thought I was safe. I didn't give any credence to the earlier reports of a possible terror threat in the vicinity, so I wasn't paying attention. Then--wham! As I knelt by my bed to reach for my sweatband that had rolled underneath, a little hand jabbed my knee. I looked down and saw what looked like a little person. What was he doing with his hand? It was all a little weird, and I didn't want to take any chances, so I called it in."
Another resident, who only spoke on condition of anonymity, related his experience that same morning. "I was in the middle of [a shower] when I was attacked. A huge stack of colorful plastic toppled on top of me. I was almost buried. Oh, yeah--I was scared! I had heard about some other strange stuff that people were stumbling across in my neighborhood, and I thought to myself, 'Holy smoking [sic.]! Now they're going after the water supply!"
The parents in apartment 136 assured residents that they were safe as clean-up details were deployed to various sites to pick up the strange objects. Authorities have made no arrests thus far in their investigation, but sources close to the case say that evidence is piling up.
Trevor Makes Bed for First Time
In other news, young Trevor Jones made his bed for the first time today. At the request of his father, the hungry two-year-old applied all of his hand-eye coordination to pull off the feat. His mother was impressed, and high-fives were distributed liberally by all the members of the household in a celebration marking this rite of passage. Rumor has it that Trevor's dad had been holding breakfast over his head, contingent upon successful completion of the early morning task, but sources in the Jones household have yet to confirm this allegation.
Boston Sets Record for Least Amount of Snow from the Boston Globe
"In a typical year, according to the National Weather Service, Boston sees 21 inches of snow by the end of January. Last year, Boston had 20.4 inches of snowfall by the end of January. (Last February saw 20 inches, above the normal 10.5 inches for that month.) This year, including last week's dusting, just 1.5 inches of snow have fallen."
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