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In the wake of JerK Rowling's revelation about the most powerful wizard in her magical Harry Potter book series, other authors who also know that focus has started to shift away from their literary works have come out of the woodwork to hold press conferences and grab back the limelight that they once enjoyed.

No doubt ruing the fact that he had not exercised the gay option before Ms. Rowling seized upon it in a wanton act of publicity, Mark Twain announced in a sparsely attended book reading of Huckleberry Finn that the work's title character actually enjoyed dressing in girl's clothes. Reaction from fans was mixed with a majority of prospective readers wanting Twain to have revealed Huck as an in-the-closet gay.

Not to be left out of the action, Jane Austen announced from a cottage on her brother's estate in Chawton, England, that she had always thought of Elizabeth Bennett as not really ever coming around to seeing Mr. Darcy's finer qualities, but as a brazen coquette who fell in love only with Pemberley, the luxurious Darcy family estate. Sales of the book have not improved, but all the women attending the cramped sitting room press conference cheered merrily and swooned at the thought of passing their days at Pemberley. Smelling salts were applied judiciously, and none of the women sought further medical treatment.

Other post-publication revelations from prominent authors following in the wake of Rowling's announcement:

• Odysseus wasn't trying that hard to get home, not really having enjoyed the idyllic family life in Ithaca.
  


• Clive Cussler, also having missed the gay boat, announced that he had written Sahara and other books with the thought in mind that Dirk Pitt and Al Giordino were actually long lost half-brothers, both unaware of there real ancestry.
  


• Fyodor Dostoevsky claimed that had always though of as Raskolnikov as a chronically-depressed dropout with financial issues. Disappointed devotees of Crime and Punishment were quick to point out that the author's statement held no surprise for them as all these characteristics of Raskolnikov are easily garnered from even a casual reading of the novel, and quickly dismissed the author's statement as hype intended to sell more copies of his book.